I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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