Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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