So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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