Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
