Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
