I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
