Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
