my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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