I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
