Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
