Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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