things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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