at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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