can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
