Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
