I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
