i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
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He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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