Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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