if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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