i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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