if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
