So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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