I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
