You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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