you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
