oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
