I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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