I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
