??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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