No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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