whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
