I used to practice getting hit by cars.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
