i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
