Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
