So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You're like the curious george of whores
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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