Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
