so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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