Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
