I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You smell like stripper and shame
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
