i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
