He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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