and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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