my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
