did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
