Kareoke will never be a sober sport
...so i touched it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
