yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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