I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He passed out mid-signature
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We have so much sex to catch up on
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
