We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
