so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
