Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
