Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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