There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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