If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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