Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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