You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
