I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize