Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
