Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
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Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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