She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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