dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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