I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
