$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
