guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
