Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I queefed so loud it echoed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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