Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
