I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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