Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
