Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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