dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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