He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
