i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
