A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
