first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love you. Go after that dick
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