we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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