i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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