He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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