i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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